Somethingawful.com has a slogan that they’ve used since 1999;
the internet makes you stupid. Well I certainly see their point when I look at the deluge of the total crap out there on the interwebs. But for one reason or another I’ve always kind of thought of myself as being above it all. I don’t go to TMZ.com, I don’t live and die on Twitter, I find it fun to laugh mockingly at posted comments on Joystiq, and I don’t post self-help status updates looking for pity about life’s challenges on Facebook. I like to think I’m better than that. I’ve always liked to think that. Until now.
Now before I tell you why, I have to give a bit of background. When I was but a wee lad, my family had a Philips CD-i. Go look it up if you need to. The great gaming advantage of the CD-i was the fact that it could handle full motion video (FMV) which was mostly used for cut-scenes in between rather mundane and otherwise ordinary game play. Such was the case for a few Nintendo licensed games, namely Link: The Faces of Evil, and Hotel Mario. Two entries into their respective game series’ so horrendously bad that they are not even acknowledged any longer by Nintendo. They all just pretend these games never happened and went on with their lives. Well, my friends I have not forgotten. And this has made me susceptible to the curse of the dreaded You Tube Poop (YTP).
What is a YTP? Well it’s a mash-up video in which the editor takes scenes of FMV from any number of sources, at least some of them being from the aforementioned CD-I games, and mixes them together (sometimes with complete randomness), thereby creating completely different scenarios and dialog. “Ridiculous!” you might say… “What an incredible waste of time and energy!” you might quip. And oh how you would be right. So then I ask you… WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL CAN’T I STOP WATCHING THEM!?!?!?!? I’m no better than those mindless losers who can’t last the next five minutes of their pitiful existence without checking TMZ to know the latest on Jon and Kate. Something must be very wrong with me, because I find these things frigging hilarious.
Take a gander first at the regular old FMV cutscenes from Link: The Faces of Evil.
Now, watch in horror as this simple video is mashed with other videos to make little to no sense. If you laugh, you most likely have the same problem I have… so be careful.
Stupid right? Asinine for sure! Only a mindless moron would repeatedly watch these kinds of videos. Well evidently I’m that kind of mindless moron because for some reason I find this stuff hilarious. I’m addicted ladies and gentlemen. I can’t help it. And now it’s spread right off the CD-i to things like the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon and Spongebob Squarepants! Not even Wilford Brimley is safe!
Sweet mother of mercy WHY!?!?! Why can't I stop watching??? Ah well… some things about the internet must remain a mystery. Now I’m gonna go check out the Billy Mays Suicide Putty video again… that shit is hilarious.
Commodore128
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